Crazy Rich Asians Is A Win. For All Singaporean Gold-Diggers

or as long as I can remember, Singapore has hated girls like me.

Don’t think I cannot hear you whispering behind my perfectly tanned back as you walk past Club Street en route to Maxwell. I pretend to be dumb, not deaf. I can hear the words ‘Sarong Party Girl’ and ‘white fetish’ just fine between your sniggers.

I know you think I only date white men.

I know you find me disgusting and atrocious and everything that’s wrong with Singaporean women today.

For the longest time, my fellow gold-diggers and I have had to put up with such unspoken prejudice. But Crazy RIch Asians changed all that. The movie might be celebrated by the Asian-Americans for their representation, but I genuinely teared up when I saw Constance Wu, Fiona Xie, Radio1Asia, and all my sisters on the big screen.

I wept buckets because this movie is not afraid of the truth: We gold-diggers are not racist. Regardless of race or religion, we will date anyone who has more than $200 million dollars in net worth.

My Fiance Roger might be British, but I don’t like him because he is white or because he has a big penis. I love him because he owns properties in Knightsbridge and Dubai.

Likewise for Johann, my ex. Everyone said I only liked him because he looked like a younger Heinrich Himmler, but our unique relationship was founded on a shared passion for private banking, which his Swiss German family just happened to own.

This is why everyone should go and see Crazy Rich Asians.

Since living memory, Hollywood and Singapore alike has whitewashed our victims, perpetuating the stereotype that we only target Caucasians.

They have ignored all the blood, sweat and fake laughter that we have invested to hook those wealthy Asian scions from Bukit Timah and Hong Kong.This is the first movie that acknowledges my totally inclusive sluttiness, my shameless but colourblind flirting, and my ruthlessly woke social climbing.

Is this a perfect movie? No, of course not. The Indian Tech Millionaires are missing and there is scant mention of Brunei’s Crown Prince, whose foreskin is rumoured to have its own trust fund.

But baby steps are still good and this is a long-overdue shift away from the stereotype that only white people are worth fucking for their money.

I look forward to the sequel and I hope that it will feature a more diverse cast of walking bank accounts.

Top image credit: AsiaOne