Signs You’ve Become Melissa C Koh’s Husband

arried Couple Outfit Of The Day (pronounced M-C-O-O-T-D not ‘MCOOTD’) photos are now a thing. There’s usually a lot of kissing involved, but only on your part.

Married Couple Hashtags are also a thing. “We’re a team now,” says your wife. Several fights and 50 hours later, the two of you finally come up with the perfect couple hashtag: #MrandMrs(your last name). It is very creative.

Your wife insists that the hashtag appears on all future photos. Something about personal branding.

For your honeymoon, you and your wife go on a sponsored trip to Italy. You don’t remember much of it as you were too busy snapping photos of your wife, but you do remember being shouted at for forgetting to include the hashtags.

You’re going to Turkey next week. You doubt you’ll remember much of that too, but you hope you remember the hashtags.

One day, the national newspaper writes about your wedding. You are surprised.

You’re even more surprised when it states that your guests were less than ecstatic about the artisanal soap and macarons they received and instead complain about the wedding being over-sponsored and insincere.

You put out a statement saying, “There is nothing wrong with working with the vendors the way we did, providing them with online exposure in exchange for their services.” Over the next two days, you watch as you and your wife’s follower count goes up.

“We’re a team now,” says your wife for the 20th time. So you quit your full-time, well-paying corporate job as a financial analyst to work under your wife. Literally. While you do all the heavy lifting (her), she focuses on the creative aspect of things (posing).

After several weeks of being married, you notice that your wife still hasn’t changed her last name. Something about retaining her personal branding.

When you offer to have your last name changed to hers instead, she declines. Something about retaining her personal branding.

You’re excited to have kids. Your wife too. They’ll really boost your personal branding.

Your new house is being painted. But instead of the industrial, mix-textured look you’ve always dreamed of having, the walls are white, with accents of pink—your wife’s favourite colour, and part of her personal branding.

It’s not really her fault, it just so happened that the company sponsoring the paint didn’t have that particular shade of cool-toned grey. And god knows you won’t possibly pay for anything yourself.

As a housewarming present, you are gifted a pale pink couch that will match perfectly with the colour of your new house. It’s bloody uncomfortable.

Finally, your wedding photos arrive. Unfortunately, you notice that in each one, your face is either turned away from the camera or out of focus. Your mum has trouble recognising that it’s you. You have trouble recognising that it’s you. Your wife looks good.

The pictures go up above the pale pink couch.